17-year-old clashes with mother for not allowing her to "no-call no-show" to her volunteer job among other irresponsible behavior: 'We let her throw a house party recently where it was supposed to be 25 people and at least 100 kids came'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 13, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

The point of doing volunteer hours for college applications is that college admittance can ensure that you're someone with the barest understanding of responsibility. If you're "no-call no-showing" to the organization where you're putting in your volunteer hours—well, it's pretty clear you're not learning the lessons you're supposed to be.

Whether it's a paid role or volunteer work, when you sign up to do something, it's a commitment that has been made. Other people are relying on you to uphold that commitment and stick to your word. And your word, once broken, is something that's incredibly difficult to earn back.

This is where parents are supposed to step in and steer their kids right. While leniency is important, and being overly strict can lead to other issues, letting your kids have free reign and "no rules" just leads to fearful adults with antisocial tendencies who go on to drive up the shoulder in traffic and cut in line and do other infuriatingly entitled things that the rest of us have to put up with thanks to their miserable existence. That may sound extreme, but it's clear that these parents are letting themselves be pushed around by their teen daughter, and it's time to set things straight.  

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  • 01
    not your baby
    via Anastasia Chazova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My daughter is 17. She is good in school and working hard. She has no chores or rules really. The one rule we have is that she leave her location on her phone if she's going out. In our country, it's legal for her to drink and so she goes to bars. She doesn't have a curfew she just has to keep us updated that she's safe. These rules work for her because she is normally responsible. We let her throw a house party recently where it was supposed to be 25 people and at least 100 kids came. We cleane
    via beth427746
  • 03
    She signed up for a volunteer job to get into college and it's every Sunday for three hours. She has been doing this since January and already missed two weeks. One due to illness, one due to illness from a hangover. She also has left a half hour early every week since she started. This Sunday she overslept but there was still time to get in and she said she wasn't going. I told her she has to go. She made a commitment and that if she doesn't want to do it she should give her two weeks notice.
    via beth427746
  • 04
    She said I'm controlling her. I asked how. She said asking for examples is a form of gaslighting. She called me a c-word multiple times. She can't give me any other examples of me being controlling but insists I am. She told me she will never let me see my grandchildren when she has them. She said I've been yelling at her for six months and been r de. My husband was in disbelief because he's been here and I haven't yelled at her at all. She then tried to storm out without her phone and I told he
    via beth427746
  • 05
    She can talk very fast and confuses my husband sometimes so now I don't know if I'm the crazy one. I know maybe we should have more rules, but I had very very controlling ab ive parents so I have tried to be much more permissive.
    via beth427746
  • 06
    Her side of the story is that another girl who trained her in volunteering said no one cares if you turn up or not and no one cares if you leave early. But I pointed out the emails from the volunteer staff say it does matter that they are there and attend. She said those emails are none of my business. Which maybe they're not but she asked me to get her the volunteer work so they come to my email. AITA?
    via beth427746
  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: I told my nearly adult daughter that she couldn't no call no show to her volunteer job. I did say it angrily because she was shouting at me. She said this is controlling her and that you don't need to be there every day. I told her she needs to give two weeks notice or show up. She said that's controlling and that she can do neither. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone because she's 17.
    via beth427746
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10492989696
    via Anastasia Chazova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    Creepy-Stable-6192 NTA. Seems her not making it to this job is straining the friendships she made there. She is trying to use psych babble to get you off her back and make you out to be the bad guy. Probably because she feels bad. In your country is she still considered a child and therefore you and her father are still responsible for her?
    via beth427746
  • 10
    Fizl99 NTA, she needs to learn to take responsibility as she grows into adulthood. If she doesn't go that also has implications she needs to deal with. Teenagers are good at saying its not their fault, whether it is or isn't! INFO - does she lose the college place if she doesn't do the voluntary work?
    via beth427746
  • 11
    RB1... NTA. Why are you letting your 17yo kid steamroll you like this? You need to get your scene under control here. Too hungover to go to her job, calling you a c***, throwing a 100-person party when you said keep it to 25. No telling what else she is up to that you don't know about.
    via beth427746
  • 12
    MISKINAK2 Whoa. Why did you allow it the first two times?! It's a volunteer position that means they were counting on her and she let them down. If it were a job, big deal, no show no money. BUT a volunteer job? That's pretty low.
    via beth427746
  • 13
    She's run circles around you and your husband and you're about to release her on the world? You're not doing her any favours. Step up mom, your kid needs a kick in the pants.
    via beth427746
  • 14
    glas... YTA. I knew where this was going as soon as you said she's 17 and "has no rules." This is a self-created problem. Kids need love AND boundaries.
    via beth427746

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